" My records are selling like wild cakes (hotcakes)."
Asking the guitarist to accompany a guest vocalist: "Get behind her over here, and give her a nice feel."
To the person who wrote his cue cards: "Don't use the word dat (that). I can say dis (this), but I can't say dat (that).
After a production number in which the Champagne Lady sang about love: "Yes, she sure looks like a woman who has been tampered with."
"You know, it's a long world."
When giving Cissy King advice when escorting a sausage and egg businessman from a live concert:
"...And if you're nice to him, maybe he'll slip you his sausage!"
"How do you spell conductor after C-U-N?"
To the band just before going on the air: "Boys, look like you're having fun, but don't have any."
"I'm keeping perfect time. I'll get my barometer (metronome) and prove it."
"That's what really broke the camel's straw."
At a Fourth of July celebration: "And to compete this evening, a wunnerful display of flashlights (fireworks)."
"These are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them."
During an audience warmup: "I just wrote a book, but don't go out and buy it, because I don't think it's finished yet."
To the dress rehersal audience about the use of a phony turkey on the set of a Thanksgiving show:
"Don't worry folks, this will be a real turkey when it gets on the air."