Like you and me, we are all huge fans of Lawrence Welk and his Musical Family, but there are some that are more than just fans, they are die-in-the-wool Welkaholics....so here's Super Larry Cornstarch with his latest comedic masterpiece..
YOU MIGHT BE A WELKAHOLIC
* If you say "Wunnerful, Wunnerful" instead of "Wonderful"
* If you have the hots for Anacani, or any one of the Welk girls
* If your piano is decorated in outrageous colors like Jo Ann Castle's
* If you belong to either the Lennon Sisters, Norma Zimmer's or
   Guy & Ralna's fan club....or if your a member of all three
* If you petition the federal goverment to declare March 11th
   (The Maestro's birthday) a national holiday
* You collect every album ever recorded by Welk
    and his musical family
* Every time you see bubbles, you always say
  "Thank You, Thank You" in your best German accent
* You can't get over the fact that Guy & Ralna
    are not married  anymore
* You have heated debates over if the black & white episodes
   are better than the color episodes
* You have a lifesize poster of Mary Lou Metzger in her
   Rockette costume hanging on the wall in your room
* If you tell what year which particular episode was made
   just by a particular hairstyle by a music maker
* If the only way you listen to a Beatles tune
   if it's performed by the Welk orchestra
* You're a member of both Welknotes, Welkies
   and Welkladies Yahoo! Groups
* If you save yourself for Tom Netherton
* You have heated debates over which sibling act is better,
   Lennon Sisters or Semonski Sisters
* You can name all the trombone, trumpet, saxophone and
   guitar players that have ever played in the orchestra, but you
   don't know who is your Senator or Congressman in your state
* You pay more care to your accordian or organ than your car
* You know more about the familes of the Music Family
   than your own
* The only poetry you know are the Helen Steiner Rice poems
   recited by Aladdin
* If you think musical spoons is an instrument
   thanks to Professor Spoons
* You think all Italians are like Tanya Falan, Bob Lido and
   Charlie Parlato
* If you called MTV's "Total Request Live" and requested "Calcutta"
* Your idea of a dream girl is if she dances just like
   Barbara Boylan, Cissy King or Elaine Balden
* If your medicine cabinet is stocked with Geritol, but never use it
* You were disappointed that when PBS aired the documentary
  "The Mormons", Sandi Griffiths wasn't chosen to be interviewed
* If you have every episode on tape....and dubbed onto DVD
* You set your VCR to tape TV shows that feature a music maker
   in a guest starring role
* You have every episode of Gail Farrell's appearances
   on Match Game on tape
* You ever boycotted the Academy Awards just because
   Arthur Duncan didn't win Best Supporting Actor for "Taps"
* If you ever named your pets after the Lennon Sisters
* Everything you learned about Hawaii, you learned from watching all
   the "Salute To The Tropics" episodes and "Live from Hawaii"
* Your car is a Dodge, and refuse to drive or ride in anything else
* You tape those My Music pledge specials on PBS only because
   Mary Lou Metzger is a co-host
* Your wardrobe comes in the following colors
   pink, orange, green or any other bright 1970s color
* Your cell phone's ringtone is "Bubbles In The Wine"
* You have more pictures of the Musical Family
   hanging on the wall than your own family
* If you have recognized any episode shown on PBS as having seen
   it first time around as a  "Memories With Lawrence Welk"episode
   from syndication in the 1980s
* Your Facebook page has several members of the Musical Family
   listed as your friends
* You search every drug store and Wal Mart in town
   for either a case of Rose Milk or bottle of Serutan
* You operate a webpage like this one
NOW LETS GO BACK HOME!