LAWRENCE: Hello boys and girls.
RON, GAIL, MIKE & MARY LOU: Hi boss, hey Joe.
JOE: Guys, I am working on a new number and I need Gail to accompany me on Piano.
LAWRENCE: It's a new Irish ballad, (then notices Andy) and by the way Kathie, who is your new friend?
JOE: You haven't heard of him Mr. Welk? That is famous comedian Andy Kaufman!
KATHIE: He is my new beau.
ANDY: And she is my beauette.
MARY LOU: I think I'm gonna be sick.
KATHIE: My friends, you may know about Andy recently about what happened on "Fridays"
ANDY: I just wanted to liven things up a bit,
KATHIE: But since we first met, he has saw the light...
ANDY(acting as a televangelist): I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!!!!!
KATHIE: I had him introduced to Jesus Christ, and he's turned a new leaf.
GAIL: Kath, initially I would be happy for the both of you, but from what I heard...he has a penchant for fooling his audience with acts like that.
KATHIE: I know, but I can assure you guys that this is for real.
LAWRENCE: Kathie, maybe your friend can watch the show here in our audience, give him a taste of what decent people we are.
KATHIE: Great idea Mr. Welk!
GAIL & MARY LOU(groans): Uh oh, not good.
LAWRENCE: Great, we begin taping tomorrow at eight, keep a song in your heart!
It is now Tuesday, that week's show is being taped, complete with studio audience. We now hear those familiar words we all know and love from announcer Bob Warren
BOB: From Hollywood, the Lawrence Welk Network presents The Lawrence Welk Show!
Applause and music from the band ensues
BOB: And now, Mister Music himself....Lawrence Welk!
Then another fellow enters the stage, he is rather lerge with a mustache, wearing sunglasses and and a tuxedo chomping on a cigar. It's NOT Lawrence Welk, it could mean one person....
TONY: Hello all you broads and boobs, I'm Tony Clifton.
The audience is stunned in amazement, what happened to our favorite Champagne Music bandleader?
TONY: I'm afraid Lawrence couldn't make it, while playing golf, he got his putter stuck up someone's Calcutta...HA!
Stone silence from the audience, then we look offstage where we find Mary Lou with Ken Delo and Arthur Duncan
ARTHUR: Guys, what is happening here?
MARY: I'm afraid Andy had invited his friend, comedian Tony Clifton to the show.
KEN: Oh no, you mean Kathie decided to bring him here?!
Myron Floren, our accordianist, rushes towards the gang offstage
MYRON: You guys got to do something, the boss isn't here and the show is going downhill! And where is the heck is Lawrence?
ARTHUR: Relax gang, I'll go out and risk my neck.
MARY: What else can happen now?
