CHAMPAGNE JOKE WARFARE
A Hilarious Fictional War Story of Practical Jokes By Super Larry Cornstarch
This story takes place at the Welk Studios on the ABC lot
It features the cast from the 1973-74 season, and may I state that these accounts are purely FICTIONAL, a figment of my silly mind....ENJOY!
It was a late Wednesday morning at the Welk studios, inside the girls dressing room are Gail Farrell, Sandi Griifiths and Mary Lou Metzger getting ready for rehersals for this week's upcoming show, it all seems so innocent and normal.....

OR IS IT?

GAIL: Holy cow, it is raining like heck outside!
SANDI: Yup, especially when on my way here, dropping off Jenny at preschool, my car went over a puddle the size of Lake Tahoe, I nearly got lost at sea!
GAIL: Mary Lou is coming, and she has a package.
(Mary Lou enters the dressing room)
MARY LOU: Hi girls.....look at this great wedding present I got!
SANDI: Your wedding was several months ago...I wonder who is it from?
GAIL: Maybe it's a late arrival from the Lennons or perhaps a fan....come on let's open it!
(Mary Lou opens the package, removes the box top....her face gets splattered with chalk dust)
MARY LOU: WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!
GAIL: (laughing)I think someone just played a praticial joke on you!
SANDI: (also laughing) Hey there's a note....it reads, "Dear Mary Lou....hope your present was a blast....signed Ken, Bobby and Jack."
MARY LOU: Grrrrrrrr.....those guys are at again, why do I have a feeling today is April Fools Day!?
GAIL: And you know what this mean......(suddenly there is a shreik in the background, Tanya enters the dressing room)
TANYA: Alright, who put chocolate pudding in my slippers?!
GAIL: This means an all out practical joke war, leave no joy buzzer or whoopee cushion unturned!

The scene now shifts to the stage of the show, Lawrence Welk and George Cates are overseeing rehersals, with the band and with Bobby Burgess and Cissy King
practicing their dance routine.

LAWRENCE: Dat' was good so far boys and girls, but I dink' dat needs a bit more work George.
GEORGE: We're doing our best, after all practice makes perfect.
BOBBY(feeling exhausted): Whoa, I never knew dancing to Mozart's Last Symphony was this difficult, after all we can dance to just about anything.
CISSY(also exhausted): Yeah, and I am staring to get corns on my feet.
BOBBY: Maybe you need some butter on that!
CISSY: Very funny!
LAWRENCE: Come now, enough tomfoolery, let's try it again.
BOBBY & CISSY: Yes boss.

The band starts playing again and they resume with rehersals, all is well until Cissy unknowingly steps on a red X painted on the stage.....

and then Cissy gets drenched in water, which fell down from the rafters.

CISSY: WHAT HAPPENED? I'M DRENCHING WET!
BOBBY (who laughs): Must be the plumbing.

Then Bobby steps back, accidently steps on the red X and gets drenched with water too.

CISSY(who now laughs): Yup, plumbing with a sense of humor,
LAWRENCE: Alright, alright, what happened to the both of yas?
CISSY: I think someone just played a joke on us.
BOBBY: I remember now, it's the first of April!
LAWRENCE: Oh no, dat' time of year again? Listen, I recommened you kids not engage into an all out joke war, in the meantime just keep me outta this, OK?

All the sudden, Lawrence unknowgly too steps on the red X, which triggers the water bucket dumping cool H20 on our beloved bandleader. He apparently doesn't look amused.

BOBBY(giggling with Cissy): Someone is gonna get it big time!
JUST GO BACK HOME! CLICK HERE FOR PAGE TWO!